It’s been five and a half years since Michelle went to heaven. David is four and a half now—the same age Michelle was when she left us. We can truly testify that God heals and that there is life after loss. It’s a journey… a lifelong journey – one of faith and trust. Our home is now full of laughter and adventure again. Of course, we still face our share of challenges, just like any other healthy, normal family. But today, I want to share something from my journey that might

Three and a half years after Michelle went to heaven …. Lots of things happened …. God gave us a son – David; he filled our lives with lots of joy; my father unexpectedly went to heaven … Russia attacked Ukraine; it is so painful to watch your people suffer so much…. Life is full of curveballs, but God is faithful and full of Grace. He is always with us. We all go through seasons of pain and confusion; we don't understand why this is happening to us. But probably, this is t

Three and a half years after Michelle went to heaven …. Lots of things happened …. God gave us a son – David; he filled our lives with lots of joy; my father unexpectedly went to heaven … Russia attacked Ukraine; it is so painful to watch your people suffer so much…. Life is full of curveballs, but God is faithful and full of Grace. He is always with us. We all go through seasons of pain and confusion; we don't understand why this is happening to us. But probably, this is t

On the 4th of May 2020, I had a chat with God ...it went something like this. - So, Daddy, am I now a woman who lost her child? It doesn't feel nice and does not reflect well on You either. At that moment, I heard the very clear voice of the Holy Spirit: - It doesn't define you! - So what does? Refresh my memory! - I am the One Who defines you, and I will remind you of My opinion about you; it hasn't changed over the years and will never change. Losing your child shakes you a

A few weeks later God told me that I had to reach out for help to somebody who walked the same road and got healed. A friend of mine gave me the contact details of June; she lost her 9-day-old baby girl 10 years ago, but now she is completely restored. We connected with June over Zoom; it was during the lockdown, so we couldn't meet in person. Actually, I did see her in person just a few days after Michelle went to heaven. Dirk and I took our girls for a ballet session; whil

It happened in the middle of strict lockdown; all of us had to stay at home. Kids had to be entertained and homeschooled. All of us at that stage were going through a low dip. It was a challenge to be an emotionally fully present mom for kids while my heart was completely broken; I just tried to distance myself from kids from time to time so I could mourn over Michelle and kids would stay in a happy space. Our girls are extremely sensitive and discerning, so even if I tried t

So from that day, I developed a new routine: every morning I would grab a cup of coffee, my Bible, a pencil and go to the terrace, where I would chat with my Daddy. Lots of ideas went through our heads since the 8th of March regarding our property: to sell our house and relocate, to fill up our swimming pool with lots of sand and make a garden or dance floor in that space... to do SOMETHING, actually ANYTHING, which would make it easier for us to face it every day. Dirk and

The first three weeks I couldn't read the Bible, but the Bible which was inside of me was ministering to me. Every time when I needed clarity, the right Scripture would pop out in my heart. After three weeks the Lord told me to prepare myself for the day, take my Bible and go to the terrace; He will speak to me through His written word. To go to the terrace was a huge challenge for me because on the 8th of March everything had happened there, just outside of our house, so it

The next day after the memorial service we woke up, and the Lord did renew His mercy. Dirk and I just looked at each other and acknowledged that we do feel a little bit better. We were using sleeping pills for a few more days, but soon we started to wean ourselves off it. After Michelle went to heaven, one of Dirk's friends, who is a doctor, came to our house with the package of sleeping pills and gave us his medical advice – your job now is to do these three things religious

The beauty of the Body of Christ was so visible on that day … People, whom we hardly knew, took care of everything: all decorations and flowers were organised; the church worship band offered their service; a famous local music band joined the worship; my friend volunteered to translate the service into Russian so my family and friends could follow; a video presentation about Michelle's life was prepared; the brochure with pictures was designed; the big picture of Miche

It was a very tough emotional day; we had to buy our clothes for the memorial service. Michelle's favourite colour was yellow, so we asked everyone to dress up in something yellow. None of us had any yellow clothes, so we were shopping around for them. Shop assistants were making some comments, thinking that we were dressing up for some fun party; we didn't bother to explain the purpose. We found a shirt for Dirk, but it had to be amended a bit to fit the occasion, so I broug

The news about us spread like a wildfire. The same day (8th of March), our friends created a WhatsApp group for us; more than 100 people joined that prayer group, some of whom we have never met before. They organised meal delivery for us; the meal delivery schedule was filled up for the next few months. Some moms from the school offered to transport our kids to and from the school; to make lunch boxes for our kids; to drive them to their sports activities; I have received mes

On the same day (8th of March), God gave me a very strict command – to put strong boundaries (emotionally and physically) around my heart and our family. I think there are two primary reasons why He told it to me: First of all, to protect me from the destructive power of self-pity. People started to send me very emotional messages. Of course, they were shocked and broken by our news, and all these messages were written out of compassion with the intention to help and comfort,

The same evening (on the 8th of March) I got a very clear understanding that I have to stick to our normal family routine, so the next morning (on Monday), Nicole and Mila woke up, as usual; I made them breakfast, and they went to school. So at least half of a day they were in a “normal” environment. And in the afternoons we all as a family took them to their afterschool activities. We wanted to be together; this togetherness gave us a sense of emotional stability, security,

The next morning (the 9th of March 2020), I woke up with a very heavy heart; it felt like all hell was on my shoulders... - Why did I allow her to go outside? - Why didn't I start searching for her earlier? - How could it happen a few metres next to me, and I saw nothing, heard nothing, and “felt” nothing? What kind of mom am I? - Why didn't the Holy Spirit tell me anything? This burden was so heavy and real …. I was just reaching out to God to uplift it. I am very thankful

Our defining moment as a couple took place on the 8th of March 2020 in the waiting room in the hospital. When the doctor brought us the final news about Michelle, I had a split second to respond. I was like a ball on the top of the mountain – I could go in any direction. Suddenly I saw my hubby kneeling and praising the Lord; he was singing, "Lord, You are beautiful; Your face is what I see." The next moment, I found myself kneeling and praising the Lord. I am eternally thank